2004-03-10||8:01 p.m.

::\Take Care, My Daddy/::

The blue box pops out at the corner of my eye on the computer screen. Lazily, I shift my attention to it and read the words "Cheerful & Happiness Chat has signed in.". "Daddy..." the first word comes to my mind. But, no enthusiasm is detected. The arrow hovers over the blue box for a moment, hesitating. A million thoughts race through my mind then. Should I talk to him although he may be kind of irritating and serious at times? Should I not talk to him and leave him alone? Why if I choose the first decision? And why if I choose the second decision?
I frown, then finally click on the name. The box opens and incidentally, his greeting appears at the same time. I smile, thinking what a coincidence it is, then reply back. The first thing he asks is what I am doing, and I reply back, trying by all means to keep the conversation going since it has already started. He then asks about my mom and I pause for a second or two. I then tell him she is out. On the exterior, it may seem like nothing. But, I know, deep down inside, that he somehow feels disappointed. Deep down inside, I know he yearns so much to see her face once more. Deep down inside, I know he yearns so much just to hear her voice.
Ain't it the same case for DJ and me? Everytime he says he can't make it for something, be it a meeting online, or a short lunch date after school, or just a phone call, my heart will sink a thousand miles. Whenever you do not reply to an sms of mine, my heart starts to beat infrequently and my imagination starts running wild. But, then again, everytime I hear from you again after a period of silence, everything seems to be alright once more. It is rather unexplainable, but well, I guess this is the way love is. When you aren't with that person and when you don't hear from him/her, you worry. You worry about his/her safety, about his/her actions and you can find lots of things to worry about. It is unstoppable and the only cure is to look him/her in the eyes again or just hear his/her comforting voice once more. Many times I have cried because of this worry, and many times my tears have evaporated because I see your greeting online, or receive a return sms from you apologising.
But, well, it isn't that easy for my dad. For you see, he is overseas afterall, and the only way he can see us, his family, is by a video camera. And not all times, is the video camera in top shape. And not all times, am I or my sister free to have a NetMeeting. So well, you see, his hopes can only go up to a phone call. And, to tell the truth, he doesn't always have that much time to make a call, and those calls do cost money after all, and not everytime is my mother free to talk. So, sometimes, I just am so touched by this bravery he has. And sometimes, I just feel like breaking down because he suffers so much just to provide us with the money we need. I feel so guilty at times. Occassionally, I will be doing something so relaxing, and then the thought that my dad is far away on his own trying to earn money so hard passes through my mind. And almost immediately will the smile on my face disappear.
Why can't life be like any other ordinary family for us? Why can't he return to Singapore and find a good job? Why can't we return to the old times, when we were always together? Not many of my friends experience this. Well, frankly speaking, only Cecilia knows the feeling. But then again, she has Christ to comfort her. I don't. I don't believe in anything, but myself. And well, believing in myself just isn't working that well right now. Most of my friends sometimes just take their lives for granted. And well, yes, I do admit that I have things that they don't. But well, I would do almost anything to just get my father back by my side, you know? I would. I miss the way I'll see the headlights of our car in the driveway when I'm having my dinner. I miss the way he will appear a few seconds later and the way we would usually greet him.
*Sighs* Time passes so fast. It's been almost a year once again, hasn't it? Oh wellz... guess I'll just have to deal with it, deal with the worry till he has the chance to return home, for good. Till then, daddy, take care. Take very good care!
::\Fayes/::

tide in || tide out

::\The End/:: - 2004-04-04
::\Thank You & Goodbye/:: - 2004-04-04
::\Guaranteed Promises/:: - 2004-04-03
::\Forgive Me/:: - 2004-04-02
::\A Prayer to the Angel of Tears/:: - 2004-04-01